S#itpit Insights

Lynn Kellogg lives with her husband in upstate New York where internet connection is spotty, trees outnumber humans, and winter lasts way too long. A recently-retired educator, she’s a 46er who sometimes flies a Cessna and always loves the outdoors.

As we journey along life’s byways, sometimes we lose control of the wheel, careen off our intended path, and plunge into a pit. The S#itpit. This pit oozes with challenges and setbacks. Daily and in small doses, we all face pain, frustration, fear, heartache, anger, and disappointment. Our lives bump up against chunks of uncertainty in the murky darkness of The S#itpit. Who voluntarily signs up for crap? Not me! Despite my best efforts to keep my vehicle on the road of happiness it happens to me too. It happens to all of us.

The S#itpit analogy came to me years ago while our adolescent sons and their buddies socialized in our living room. Our home was their home and they were ours as well. I reminisce fondly of those sweet times. As almost-real family members, there were moments while the brood hung out, making messes in their age-appropriate stinky, awkward bodies, complaining about their young-life complications, when I wanted to throttle ‘em. On this occasion, their self-defeating whining got to be too much. 

Complaining keeps you stuck. Action frees you.

The poor darlings. Not! While I’m empathetic to real problems faced by 14-year-olds, this was not real. Simply stated, this crew of highly capable, well-adjusted, competent self-pitiers-in-the-moment were quitting. Surrendering their strength like doomed dinosaurs stuck in prehistoric tar pits. They were wallowing in one of those over-the-top stressful periods when the brevity of life’s crap whooshes in. Overtired, overworked, overstressed… overwhelmed. A.K.A. The S#itpit.

Quite possibly, one of the greatest skills humans can develop and gift to themselves is the ability to step outside ourselves and observe our world through a fresh lens. Objectivity. Get out of your own way. Cheer and challenge oneself instead of bemoaning your fate. I can certainly relate. In my youth, I gave up easily when the going got tough. But time eventually opened my eyes to the power of attitude. With a slight shift of perspective, challenges are potential growth opportunities rather than automatic showstoppers. It’s not mandatory to surrender to The S#itpit. Help yourself and crawl through the struggle to find the edge.

“I just wish it would stop.” 

“I don’t wanna deal with this.”

“I wish I could just make this crap go away!” 

Stressed by the pressures of teen life – homework, raging hormones, sport practices, musical rehearsals, and keeping current with the latest video game demands really had them thinking they couldn’t manage it all. 

Why are you giving up your power? 

I explained The S#itpit in PG terms – The Crapper or a Pit Teeming with Crap – youth love the word crap.

“You keep wishing this away, but it IS going to be your whole world until you grow through it. Change takes time. Understand it for what it is: you’re currently chest deep in The Crapper, and yes, it’s deep and dark and heavy. You haven’t just stepped in an easily wiped away puny pile of it. You’re surrounded!” 

For effect, I used my boom-to-fade echo voice: “It’s everywhere…it’s everywhere…everywhere!”  

I was on a roll, stepping boldly onto my soapbox. “Large stinky turds float all around, bumping into you, sliming onto your skin and clothes. And that water isn’t water. Occasionally, you might even lose your footing and go under, so hold your breath! The Crapper is a reminder of how truly challenging this time and place is for you and it’s understandable that you want out, fast. But pain is temporary if you practice patience and decide to work smarter, not harder. You might grow your way through this nasty pit and crawl out of it a stronger and more capable version of yourself. You’ll still stink and need a shower, but you’ll discover something better. Can you shift your thinking? Can you take little, productive steps to consider each of the pieces of those nagging problems of your own situation and do something to move in a positive direction… toward the edge?”

Of course, there was some eye-rolling: I mean, they were 14. 

Those kids are now nearly 30-year old adults. At least a few of them return regularly to hear more S#itpit Insights from this old girl. The beauty is that now they contribute their own youthful wisdom. My most recent visitor was one of my favorite people. She’s capable and brilliant and so wise beyond her years, but a recent slip into The S#itpit had her shedding heavy, hopeless tears. I reminded her of The S#itpit and the lovely weeds that grow at its edge – quietly beautiful, and tenacious. Her breathing settled. She pondered what she knew to be true and then she laughed, accepting and embracing lessons learned from her time in The S#itPit and the resilient weeds it grew.

Thanks be to The S#itPit, life’s fertilizer.

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Main Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash